On Fabio Capello: What makes England's coach a bumbling idiot

I'm not going to get into how odd it is that England's coach is from Italy when every other major country's coach, Brazil (Dunga), Argentina (Diego Maradona), Spain (Vicente Del Bosque), Italy (Marcello Lippi), France (Laurent Blanc), and Germany (Joachim Low), have coaches that are actually from the country they are coaching. I mean, that makes sense right? Every player has to have established citizenship...shouldn't the coach? And here I am saying I wasn't going to get into it and then I did. Anyways, moving on, what makes Capello an idiot:

1. His squad selection. There are a couple of reasons why Capello messed everything up from day one when he picked his provisional squad. First of all, he didn't pick any of the Big Four. This is the name I have given to Michael Owen, Owen Hargreaves, Ryan Giggs, and Paul Scholes. These guys are the last remnants of the first class of the first installment of the Premier League. England would have loved if any of these guys had made it, particularly Hargreaves. But no, Capello decided to go against his word and pick a player who was woefully injured: Gareth Barry.

Barry had an injury at the time Capello picked him that some were saying would take 8 weeks to recover. From the provisional squad selection point, 8 weeks later would be a full week into the tournament itself. So Capello expects Barry to come back at 100 percent and compete? It seems like every time I bring up ESPN's Soccernet, it's some story about how Capello is kissing Barry's ass and telling him that everything is going to be fine and he'll do whatever it takes to get him on the roster. This is not what England's coach should be doing. England's coach should be out there saying that Rooney's ankle is fine, and that he'll win the Golden Boot this year. He should be out there saying that he doesn't care about how bad Gerrard's season was, he's still the most phenomenal blah blah blah. He should be out there saying that we should move on from the John Terry scandal and focus on our new captain, Rio Ferdinand, who's broken leg has healed great thank you, and will be a great asset to this team. But no, it's all about little Barry.

On Tuesday, Barry was scheduled to have a series of tests done to see if he would be ready in time. He failed miserably. Capello came out and said that he would give him more time. The World Cup is closing fast and Barry is wasting away on the bench when Hargreaves could be in there knocking the ball around with these guys. Also, Barry's injury is just not a big deal for one big reason: Michael Carrick exists. Carrick should start anyway, he's got a lethal shot, and he's just as good if not better of a passer than Barry. But no, Capello has to keep saying that Barry is his guy. I honestly don't think he knows anything about any of England's other players. Which brings me to my next point.

2. He's making terrible formation decisions. Ahead of the England's first friendly match against Mexico on Tuesday, Capello said he had been "experimenting" with England. Let's take a look at what he's suggesting and how terrible his suggestions are.

First, Capello said that he has been working with a three man centre back defense. For those who don't know, a traditional defense includes four defenders. Two on the inside, called full backs sometimes, and two on the outside, called wingbacks. What Capello is suggesting is a formation with only three defenders, who would play much more central positions. This is the formation that makes the German Bundesliga the top scoring league in the world, because this formation allows for teams to push more players up field and make more scoring opportunities. But, it's difficult to really tell if the high scoring is because of the extra man up top, or the man missing down below, as pretty much every team in the Bundesliga uses this formation. Ignoring these variables, Capello decided this would a good formation to have England PRACTICE. And I capitalize practice because practice is a big deal leading up to the World Cup. Because every team basically has a month to get a bunch of superstars together and have them work as a team. Let's look at why this strategy is a waste of precious practice time.

Ashley Cole and Glen Johnson. For those who know who these players are, I really don't need to say anything else. But I will, because it's important. Cole and Johnson are quite the dynamic duo, both players are extremely skilled on the ball and love to push the ball up field and deliver crosses into the box for their teammates. Both have accrued quite a few assists over their careers doing this. Of course, with Capello's new three man centre back defense, these two wing backs would be basically worthless. This is why this is a horrible idea. Does Capello understand that having Cole upfield not only gives Gerrard an outlet when he gets in trouble, but would also allow him to get into the box? Apparently not.

Another reason why this is a terrible idea is that centre back John Terry would be extremely limited. He is also known for pushing the ball past the centre line and starting an attack. He wouldn't be able to do that now because if he lost the ball, there would only be two English defenders back. Which would of course, suck.

The second proposal of maistro Capello is to make Wayne Rooney a lone striker and have Gerrard play as a retracted striker behind him. This is also a terrible idea. Here's why: traditionally, England scores on the principle of "pass and move." This is what every English club (sans Arsenal) bases their strategy around. Let me explain. In a REAL English attack, Rooney would have someone like Jermain Defoe with him up top. Here's what happens theoretically: Lampard passes to Rooney. Then Rooney passes to Defoe, who quickly taps it back to Lampard. Now, while Defoe is tapping it back to Lampard, Rooney has made space for himself in the box. Then Lampard passes it right back to Rooney, who scores on the keeper who is like, "WTF? I can't follow ball it move so fast!!" This is called a "triangle" and it is based on the principle of pass and move, as Rooney makes a pass, and then moves into position. You would think that's how every team scores, but this is not so, as every team scores a little differently.

Like at Brazil. On Brazil, here's what happens: someone passes to Kaka who runs past every opposing player and scores some miraculous upper 90 goal. Because he's Kaka. Or, any Brazilian passes to any Brazilian who then does some kind of miracle bicycle kick into the top corner. Then they do the same thing like five more times and win. This is still different from how Argentina scores:

Some nameless Argentine midfielder passes the ball to Lionel Messi/Carlos Tevez/Diego Milito/Gonzalo Higuain/Sergio Aguero who then does Maradonas past everyone and chips the keeper. This is still different from how Ivory Coast scores:

Get the ball to Didier Drogba. Then you just...win. But then you can look at Italy and it's still different:

A constant merry-go-round of good-but-not-great Italian strikers and attacking midfielders repeatedly get into the box and lose the ball until finally one of them scores and it's 1-0 but it doesn't matter because the other team can't score because Buffon is in goal and no one can score on him. Or, Italy can't score at all but it still doesn't matter because Buffon is in goal and no one can score on Buffon so it goes into penalties and the other team still can't score because Buffon is in goal and then Italy wins because at least Andre Pirlo will be able to score a penalty kick for them.

Back to England. Let's look at Capello's vision of how England will score:

Rooney gets the ball. From here, he has two options, and only two. He can juke out FOUR defenders (see what I did there?) and try to score on the keeper, or he can do a back-pass to Lampard or...Hargreaves. Then he can try to get into open space. The problem is, there's no one else to pinch defenders away from him, so while one centre back charges Lampard/Hargreaves, the other locks down on Rooney. That's fundamentally what will happen. Here's what Capello wants to happen:

Rooney gets the ball, he shoots the ball, which the keeper has to parry and can't catch because Rooney shoots so damn hard. Then Gerrard, who was behind Rooney, happens to be in perfect position for the rebound and puts a whole in the net.

That sounds like a miracle goal that may happen once in the whole tournament. That sounds like a coach who has no idea what he's doing and is about to let a country he normally lives 3,000 miles away from down. Why does he care again? Oh yeah, England is paying him. Diego Maradona came out today and claimes he WILL run naked through the streets in joy WHEN Argentina wins this year. Notice the language, his words not mine (I still want England to win). I'm not expecting the English coach to make statements like that, I just wish someone was coaching who I felt comfortable with. Not just the manager of Roma, for God's sake.